Is Self-Hypnosis a Super-Power?

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When most of us think of hypnosis, our minds tend to conjure particular scenes: a timepiece swinging from side to side; someone quacking like a duck for an audience’s amusement; a hypnotist creepily half-whispering some version of, “You’re getting sleeepyyy.” These classic images of hypnosis embedded in our collective consciousness give the practice a really bad rap. But the truth is, hypnosis—or hypnotherapy, as it’s referred to when practiced in clinical settings—has a number of practical benefits to offer. Research supports the use of hypnosis for everything from smoking cessation to weight loss. It’s been shown to yield powerful results for people dealing with panic attacks, sleep disturbances, chronic pain, low self-esteem, and much more. In short, the real practice of hypnosis is nothing like the dramatized versions we’ve been shown on television and stage shows. It’s a true healing practice, and the reason it works so well is far less spooky than you might imagine. 

Hypnosis, in essence, is all about connection. It’s a way of crossing over boundaries that tend to separate us from ourselves, others, and the world in general. When these boundaries are dissolved through hypnosis, the wisdom of the body and the unconscious mind can be recruited to generate powerful changes. Often, our attempts to create change at the conscious level only wind up getting us more stuck. For example, people with insomnia who try hard to fall asleep will usually discover that those well-intentioned, perfectly reasonable efforts only keep them more awake. But the truth is, the body and unconscious mind know precisely how to drift into deep sleep; and if the conscious mind gets out of the way, they’ll do it with ease. So that’s where hypnosis comes in—and, more specifically, where self-hypnosis comes in. 

Self-hypnosis is a practice we can all adopt to help us get more relaxed, sleep better, manage pain more effectively, and cope with mental and emotional challenges that arise throughout the day. The practice, which shares some things in common with meditation, can give us access to our own healing super-powers. By learning how to dissolve boundaries and create connections, we can access the extraordinary wisdom of our unconscious minds and bodies. 

The practice of self-hypnosis allows us to enter a flow state, in which changes can happen effortlessly and spontaneously. It helps us come back to the balanced state that is our true nature. Hypnosis isn’t some form of sorcery, as those classic images would have us believe, but it does help us tap into the magic that we carry around inside of us—the magic that helps us heal ourselves. 

Anyone can learn to hypnotize themselves; all it takes is a few simple tools and a little practice. If you’re intrigued, or think you could benefit from what self-hypnosis has to offer, join me at Innergy Meditation on Friday, January 18th from 7:30p.m. – 9:30p.m., and learn how you can Unleash Your Inner Healer Through Self-Hypnosis. I hope to see you there!

8 Simple Hacks for Happiness

a woman jumping in the air on a bridge.

As a mental health professional, I’m often faced with questions about how to reduce suffering; how to manage tough transitions; and, perhaps most often, how to experience real happiness. As it turns out, it’s this third question that people tend to struggle with the most. For so many of us, happiness is an ideal we’ve been sold on that’s so transient and elusive as to make us wonder whether it exists at all. We all want it, but most of us have no idea where to find it.

When we’re young, happiness is much easier to access, so much more lasting an experience. But as time goes on and our responsibilities and obligations increase, happiness tends to register far less frequently on our emotional radar. Why is this, and what can we do about it?

What I’ve learned in my years of practicing therapy and studying the science of happiness and wellbeing is that happiness is—as the worn-out cliché suggests—about the journey, not the destination. It’s an experience that we cultivate in the day-to-day encounters of our lives—one that we’re capable of creating at will and get to experience more vividly the more we conjure it. There are many ways to harness happiness and hack your brain to experience it more often; here are eight.

1. Smile for “no reason.” It might sound silly, but this one really works wonders. Research shows that when your body works the muscles that form a smile, a signal gets sent to your brain, letting it know that you’re happy. But don’t’ rely on the research; try this out for yourself. Chances are, the more you smile, the better you’ll feel—and, of course, the better you feel, the more you’ll smile. Before you know it, you’ll have generated a fun feedback loop that sparks happiness for you and everyone you meet. We’re hardwired to respond to nonverbal forms of communication, and smiles are the universal language for connection, joy, and positive vibes. As you practice smiling for no reason at all, you’ll see more smiling faces around you. And if those faces continue to move through the world transmitting that positive energy, you’ll have created a ripple effect of happiness; not only will you be happier, but the world will be that much happier, too. Put this little trick in practice, and you’ll be off to a fabulous start.

2. Practice kindness. Let’s be real; it feels really good to have others be kind to us. And, the research is clear, it feels just as good to be kind to others. When we go through the world guarded, jaded, and walled off to other people, we isolate ourselves from a source of happiness and wellbeing that we’d otherwise get to access. It might take a little practice, especially if you’ve been hurt by other people and feel the need to protect yourself, but making kindness a deliberate practice promises to yield great rewards in terms of happiness and general positivity. Being kind to others promotes good feelings in them, of course, but it also delivers us a powerful happiness boost. Beyond that, it has the potential to enrich and strengthen our relationships with others, allowing us to feel connected and supported—both of which are vital contributors to happiness.

3. Be in awe. This is one of my favorites. Recent research has shown that a regular experience of being in awe is associated with decreased rates of depression and anxiety. When we do, read about, witness, or otherwise experience things that make us feel a true sense of how awesome life can be, we make a significant contribution to our overall wellbeing. And this is something we can deliberately practice in an effort to generate those good vibrations. Go for a walk in nature; marvel at the intricacies of artwork or the architecture in your neighborhood; read about new scientific discoveries or human achievements; watch a newborn baby discover the world. As much and as often as you can, put yourself in a position to be in awe, and watch how much more easily happiness comes to you.

4. Affirm your worthiness. With so many messages telling us who we should be—the ones coming from the media, communicated silently by the people around us, or echoing in our own minds—we sometimes need to strive to remember that we are enough. Doing this for ourselves, intentionally and regularly, can boost our sense of self-confidence and increase our sense of contentment. To fold this into your happiness practice, regularly check in with how you’re thinking and feeling throughout the day. Whenever you find yourself caught in the web of comparing, criticizing, or cutting yourself down, repeat worthiness-boosting affirmations. You might say something like, “I am whole and complete, exactly as I am,” “I am worthy of love and connection,” “I am worthy of forgiveness, including my own,” or create your own affirmations that help you remember your worthiness. Watch your happiness meter rise.

5. Tune out. We already know that we live in a digital era, in which technology pervades every aspect of our lives. But as many advantages as this provides us, there are also some pretty considerable drawbacks to consider. The research is clear that if we aren’t mindful about how we engage online, we risk doing harm to our happiness. The more mindlessly we engage online, the less connected we feel to our actual lives. And this is worth adjusting, because as it turns out, mindfulness—the practice of deliberately connecting to our actual experience in the moment—is known to increase happiness. To harness happiness by tuning out, practice limiting your online engagement. Take social media fasts; dedicate time to going offline; cultivate your real-life relationships; limit your TV time, and try a new activity instead.

6. Drop in. Our waking hours are spent swimming through a stream of distractions that vie determinedly for our attention. From the moment we wake up until the moment we go to sleep, many of us are either busy doing something or thinking about the next thing we’ll do. But when we fill our days with work and obligations, constantly thinking about what’s next, we get tired. And often when we’re tired, we numb ourselves out in an effort to rest and disconnect. There’s nothing wrong with this, except that it often doesn’t work very well. Instead of feeling refreshed, we can feel even less energized. Worse, we can find ourselves lethargic, bored, or apathetic. Developing practices that connect us inward can help us increase our happiness as we learn to nurture and give to ourselves. Meditation is a remarkably effective tool for helping us turn inward and generate positive feelings. Exercise is another great way for us to practice connecting with ourselves and attuning to our mind and body. Journaling, another useful tool for hacking happiness, helps us to learn from the wisdom of our own free-flowing thoughts and let go of things in our minds that weigh us down and contribute negatively to our lives. Try incorporating one or all of these into your daily life, and enjoy the uptick in happiness that comes with it.

7. Get your hands dirty. One of the best ways to experience more happiness is to get in touch with our abundance, and helping others is a marvelous way to do this. Volunteering has been shown to boost our sense of contentment, gratitude, and overall wellbeing. But we don’t need to be Rockefellers to make this happen. When we contribute to others, in ways both large and small, we also contribute to our own happiness. Take some time to seek ways that you can get involved in your world and your life, and enjoy the bonus prize of a sizable boost in happiness.

8. Get your feet dirty, too. This final happiness hack is my personal favorite. I don’t know about you, but I have fond recollections of how fun and freeing it felt to be a child. Back when my responsibilities were few and my options felt limitless, happiness always seemed to be right at my fingertips. If you can relate to this, then you’ll be glad to know that engaging in play activities is one of the best ways to experience more happiness. Let loose, access your imagination, and be creative. And if you want to up-level your efforts to get happier through play, take the fun outdoors! Being in nature is an unparalleled mood-booster. Kick of your shoes, ground yourself in the earth, and soak up all the good vibes it has to share with you.

I hope these 8 simple hacks set you on the path toward inviting more happiness into your life. Got some happiness hacking tips of your own? Share them with me in the comments section below!

What a Trip!

a wooden table topped with lots of plates and bowls.

I haven’t written in a while, but I’ve certainly had some things in mind to share; and I’m grateful to have that opportunity now. As some of you know, I spent a couple of weeks away this month on a visit to Morocco and Spain. It was my first time in Morocco, and though it was a wedding in Marrakech that brought me there, I got a chance to experience a few other parts of the country and enjoy some of the many riches it has to offer. I had few expectations going into the trip; and I’m glad for that, because nothing could have prepared me for the journey it turned out to be. While I was there, and since coming home, I’ve done a lot of reflecting on what I experienced and what all of it had to teach me.

From the moment my flight touched down in Marrakech, I was overcome by the energy of this new place. My senses were overloaded, and it took effort to stay centered. There was so much to take in, so many things around me demanding my attention, something unexpected at every turn. I felt completely scattered, yet totally present. Time flew by while somehow seeming to drag on forever. It was a dizzying experience that, oddly enough, led me to feel more grounded than ever.

Getting immersed in a new place requires a certain degree of surrender, a releasing of patterned ways of thinking and being. But the truth is, we don’t need to stamp our passports to get this experience. We always have this choice—to let go of what isn’t serving us and live into new possibilities; to shed old skin and grow into something new. For me, this trip was a humbling reminder of how much there is in this world, this Life, to be discovered. When we allow ourselves to move outside our context, our culture, our comfort zones, our customary ways of being in the world, we get rewarded and expanded. We move a little closer to the essence of Life, catching a glimpse of its vastness through the small pieces of it we get to savor. It’s a choice we get to make every day—stay small, or expand; close ourselves off, or open ourselves up with curiosity. Remembering that we have this choice isn’t always easy, and sometimes we have to shake things up to realize it again. But when we do, we get to grow.

One of the biggest treasures of this experience was the sense of connection I felt with the people I met in Morocco. Through the brief but significant encounters I had with them, I got reminded of how transcendent human connection can be. We have the ability to communicate with people in powerful ways that go far beyond the words we speak. This awareness came most penetratingly to me through an encounter with a practical stranger that I doubt I’ll ever forget. We didn’t share a language—save for a few words of Arabic and English that both of us could understand—but, in our brief exchange, I experienced trust, understanding, acceptance, forgiveness, and love. We connected and communicated in a way that transcended language, culture, or any other seeming differences between us. It served as a reminder and affirmation that true connection isn’t about the surface stuff. It’s about presence, awareness, attunement, patience, and a mutual willingness to understand. To really connect, we’ve got to slow down and pay attention. We’ve got to hold ourselves in the space to give and receive. Our connections with each other open us up to new worlds; they reveal new insights and understandings; they help us resolve our differences and discover our sameness; they affirm that we’re all having this curious and wondrous human experience together.

For me, this trip was a teacher. It humbled me, expanded me, and got me present to some things I believe wholeheartedly—that new experience is a transformative tool, and human connections are powerful medicine. After two weeks of traveling, I was eager to return home; but I promised myself that I’d hold on to all the lessons I learned while I was away. And now I get to share them with you. Thank you for being the space to receive them. I hope they resonate with a part of you and, in some way, contribute to your own beautiful journey.

Meditation and Mental Health—Part 4

It’s time for part four of the five-part series I’ve been exploring on meditation and mental health. So far, I’ve made the case for how meditation can support us by influencing how we relate to our thoughts, our emotions, and the people in our lives. This time, I want to examine the role that meditation plays in supporting our physical health. You see, a healthy body is associated with a healthy mind. That’s because our minds and our bodies are connected; the health of one influences and is influenced by the health of the other. Through our meditation practice, we come to understand and access the mind-body connection in ways that foster and expand our mental health.

One way to define meditation is as a committed practice of transforming the mind and connecting with the body. Through the practice, we learn to consciously follow the bridge of our breath, guiding our attention into the body and connecting with ourselves. Every time we find ourselves getting distracted or lost in our thoughts, we come back into our bodies and anchor our attention in the present moment. This not only serves us during our formal practice, it also aids us in every other area of our lives. Because the more practiced we are at bridging the connection between mind and body, the more aware of our physical selves we become.

With the awareness of meditation practice comes the capacity to mindfully choose how we treat our physical bodies. We start to think more carefully and be more intentional about the foods we eat, the beverages we drink, and the products we put into or onto our bodies. When our bodies are fueled and fortified in ways that support our physical health, we think more clearly, engage in higher levels of productivity, attend to our needs more efficiently, sustain higher levels of energy, and feel more alive. Improved mental health, in this way, becomes a natural byproduct of physical health—and meditation is one way to get us there.

The mindfulness we cultivate through a regular meditation practice gives us the ability to keep an ongoing awareness of our physical bodies. It enables us to be in contact with our hunger cues, so we know when it’s time to eat. It encourages us to eat and drink slowly, so we enjoy the process and realize when we’ve had enough. It let us tune into our intrinsic wisdom, choosing to eat what our bodies need instead of what our minds crave. All of this serves to reinforce the mind-body connection, thereby increasing our self-awareness, self-care, physical wellness, and mental health.

When we learn to connect with the breath and the body, we start to expand what’s physically possible for us. This is something yogis have known for centuries, which is no surprise, considering yoga is ultimately a moving form of meditation. Not only can we reach new levels of physical fitness through the foundations of meditation, we can also become highly intuitive about how we move our bodies. We can listen to the messages our bodies are sending, so we know when it’s time to be active and when it’s time to rest. We know when it’s a good idea to roll on some lavender oil and take an Epsom salt bath, or when a good old doctor’s visit is in order. To be this aware, this connected, requires ongoing attention. It’s a skill that we develop through practice, over time.

One of the coolest things about meditation is that there are endless ways we can use it to support our bodies and sharpen our minds. For example, many swimmers, basketball players, gymnasts, and runners regularly engage in visualization meditation to improve their performance. That’s because studies have shown that athletes who use visualization meditation to imagine themselves performing a certain physical activity improve as much as—or, in some cases, more than—athletes who practice actually performing the activity. How’s that for a testament to the mind-body connection?

Whether your physical health goals include losing weight, overcoming panic attacks, expanding your yoga practice, changing your physique, adopting a cleaner diet, cutting back your alcohol consumption, improving your athletic performance, reducing the intensity of chronic aches and pains, or just generally feeling more connected to your body, meditation practice can support you—and you get to enjoy the fun bonus prize of enhanced mental health!

As long as we’re enjoying this human experience, we’ll do so within the vessels of our beautiful, remarkable, wise, and resilient bodies. It’s a worthy activity, then, to connect with those bodies and treat them with love and respect. Meditation, which gives us entry to the present moment and guides our awareness within, is a gift we give ourselves in the service of our health. I invite you to begin exploring your mind-body connection through meditation, yoga, and any other practices that call to you. And I look forward to coming back to you soon with the final installment of this series!

One Big Storm, One Powerful Teacher

a beach with waves coming in to shore.

It’s been two days since Hurricane Irma finished whipping her way through the Caribbean and Southeastern United States. For the last week, life around here has unfolded in surreal fashion, and we’ve got a long way to go before things get back on track. All over the affected areas, people are experiencing varying degrees of devastation as a result of this storm’s overwhelming impact. We’re repairing what was damaged; grieving what was lost; scrambling for gasoline, water, and other essentials; hoping that our electricity, phone signal, and air conditioning will be restored; wondering how long it will take to rebuild. We’ve all got different circumstances and different stories. We’re all pretty tense and pretty tired. But in spite of it all, we’re getting a number of valuable lessons from Irma. If we’re willing to learn from this storm, there are many things it can teach us. Here are just a few:

The power of perspective. One of the first clients I worked with after the storm had a pretty harrowing Irma experience. As he recounted some of the details, I felt compassion and sympathy for what he’d gone through; I was filled with gratitude for not having struggled as much as he had. So I was astonished when he went on to say that his storm experience was one of the most beautiful and profound he’d ever had. While he acknowledged the unfavorable nature of his situation, he chose the perspective that the storm “happened for a reason,” and he opened himself up to what it had to teach him. The truth is, a natural disaster isn’t a completely positive experience. But it isn’t a completely negative one, either. We can choose our perspective, even when we can’t choose our circumstances—and that’s a pretty powerful thing.

The value of community.  It’s no secret: isolation is endemic in our culture, and it’s killing us. Modern living makes it easy to detach from one another and focus on our individual needs. But during times of collective crisis, we tend to pull together and lend each other a hand. In realizing that we’re all in this together, we’re more apt to connect and collaborate. All across the areas impacted by this storm, evidence of this abounds. And though it might be a difficult time, we get to experience some relief in knowing that we’re not alone. Whether we’re giving or receiving support, there’s a lesson to be learned about the magnificent gifts of connection and community.

The wisdom in surrender. One of the things that made Hurricane Irma such a severe disaster was the staggering size of it. For those of us in its path, there were few good options. Mother Nature was sending Irma to us, like it or not, and we couldn’t really get away from it. Though we got busy doing the best we could to prepare and protect ourselves, we couldn’t control the storm itself. We could, however, determine how to respond to it. We could become consumed with fear and anxiety, deny what was happening, resist the situation, or think of all the reasons why it shouldn’t be happening to us. But it was happening anyway. And the thing is, lots of life works this way. Irma gave us a gift in teaching us that when things are out of our control, all we can do is surrender. Not as a way to give up, but as a way to lean in to what’s already happening. There’s wisdom in this—the likes of which can transform our lives.

The beauty in simplicity. This storm has taken many things from many people. It’s brought devastating loss. And as difficult as it might be, it’s possible to see that something can be gained from what’s been lost. All of us who experienced this storm—even if we suffered little loss—have spent several days without certain comforts and constants. Starbucks is shuttered, nail salons are boarded up, and Netflix is inaccessible. Millions of homes lost electricity, and Wi-Fi is hard to find. Being stripped of the trappings of our cozy modern lives can offer a profound lesson for those willing to receive it. Our return to relative simplicity can teach us to discern between the vital and the inconsequential, the fundamental and the frivolous. It’s all too easy to get caught up in the details of our lives and lose sight of what matters most to us. Perhaps this lesson from Irma can inspire us to make an intentional practice of keeping it simple.

The reality of our resilience. There’s no denying that natural disasters like Hurricane Irma, Hurricane Harvey, and the devastating earthquake in Mexico create incredible suffering for the people affected by them. Much is lost and destroyed, to be sure. But even amidst their trauma and devastation, people continue to breathe the next breath, take the next step, and continue moving forward. Words like relief, repair, recovery, and rebuild become part of our common discourse about these events just as soon as they’ve happened; this alone is proof of our expansive capacity to begin again. These are troubling times for many. But they will pass. And we’ll get through it, one way or another, to continue beginning again and again.

If you’ve been affected by Hurricane Irma and are seeking support, let’s connect and set up a time to talk.

Want to lend a hand to the communities affected by the storm? Here are some ways you can contribute:

The Miami Foundation Hurricane Relief Efforts

Hurricane Irma Community Recovery Fund

The New Tropic List of Ways to Help & Volunteer

 

 

 

 

Taking the Plunge: Vulnerability and Authenticity in Intimate Relationships

a person making a heart shape with their hands.

Human beings are wired for connection. It’s in our DNA. But as much as our nature primes us to connect with others, we often struggle to make and maintain these connections. Part of the reason for this difficulty is that connection requires quite a bit of risk. To truly experience intimacy with another human being, we have to be willing to be vulnerable and show up with our full selves. For most of us, this means tapping into raw emotions and deep desires that are difficult for us to confront, let alone share with another person.

Drawing from a model of couples therapy that urges partners to access and share their emotions so they can strengthen their connection, Dr. John Amadeo talks about the power of being authentic in our intimate relationships. Check out his thought-provoking article here, and share your thoughts with me. What do you think makes authenticity such a challenge? What are some ways you could become more authentic in your relationships?